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Tucker Carlson – crusader for the American common man, he put away his bow-tie to fight for YOU!
Ted Cruz – great smiler and greater warrior – disrupting the maniacal mechanisms of the Deep State by reading Dr. Seuss to Congress.
- Lindsey Graham
Steve Bannon – Wildman fighter for Liberty! Another Ivy League-educated rebel who came down from the elite to defend average American victims from their own elected government.
- Mitch McConnell – a calculating human-sized flaccid bespectacled penis, Mitch has been calmly reading out